Let the Struggle Become a road to Grace

Not much blogging in the last week and a half, but a lot of posting and pictures. I hope you guys have enjoyed watching it all unfold through this album-making process. It’s been a blast for us, if you couldn’t tell already. I’ve wanted to be transparent with this entire experience because I really believe that things mean more when a person gets to be a part of it. Photos and posts are a great way to do that, to be in on the ‘action’. But I wanted to share something different today, if that’s ok…

I want to share my struggle for the last few weeks. We all have them. Some of them are bigger than others. They can stem from childhood or through a one-time experience; but struggles are something we all have, and unfortunately, as believers – if you grew up like me – struggles weren’t/aren’t something popular to talk about. Struggles expose. Struggles reveal, they take off the mask. They let people in to see who you really are.

If you know me well, you know that I DO NOT share struggles… or anything else, for that matter. Over the years, through experiences, this heart has morphed into the ‘non-sharing’ type.  I’ve come to realize that it’s a ‘protective mechanism’… that’s a huge word combo for ‘I refuse to get hurt again just because I shared my heart’.  – how’s that for sharing? 🙂

Here’s what I’ve come to learn through all of this, whether it be cancer struggle, struggle with friends, with family, struggle with job… you  fill in the blank… and here it is, this won’t be the first time you’ve heard it… you ready???…

How we view our struggles can most certainly determine the walk between the beginning and the end of the struggle. Did you catch that? Not JUST our attitude about them (even thought that’s HUGE) but our VIEW of them. OK, so now that I’ve shared all that, here’s mine in this season of recording: my voice. I know, right. My voice.

I’ve led worship for a long time, and I’m learning that as I continue down this path, there are vocal habits that can stay and vocal habits that have to go. For this entire summer, I’ve just taken all of those habits, good and bad, and wrapped my arms around them so tightly as to say, ‘these are fine and have been with me all this time, we can keep these and just not develop anymore of the bad’ (sound familiar?).  {PSA: these habits are strictly vocal, NOT anything else. OK, we can continue}

People have prayed for me, I’ve ‘declared’ all I can, and here’s the reality: until I reveal to Jesus my struggle (He already knows, but wants to hear it from me… and from you about yours), to really lay it all out there, to tell Him what I’m so afraid of (b/c if you’re hanging on to something, hear this now: you are afraid of something on the other side). Funny thing is, we all know this truth, right? I’ve walked with Jesus through a lot of valley’s that include not just one shadow of death, but a couple of those bad boys, and I’m still walking right back into this lesson of laying it all down.

Paul talked about this in 2 Corinthians 12:9 –

Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.

Paul goes on to say in vs 10 that he is ‘well content’ WITH ‘weaknesses, insults, distresses, persecutions, difficulties for Christ’s sake; for when he is weak, HE is strong. Content in weakness?! I’m a red-blooded, competitive, take no prisoners… American, for goodness’ sake! Can I get a witness?!

So here’s the deal: as I’ve walked through my vocal struggle in the last few weeks, I’ve been reminded of this very truth: His grace is all I need. If I believe that these songs and this record was birthed by Him and for Him, then why in the world am I worried about the fact that I can’t do something?! It’s already been done! His timing is perfect. His ways are higher – there’s a song about that ;). Let’s not give the devil a whole bunch of credit here, the worry and frustration has been conjured up and stirred in the pot by Yours Truly. So day-to-day is to REST in His perfect timing, knowing that when He gives the green light for healing and steps to take forward to keep it all that way, that I am ready.

Please don’t mistake this for, I’m on my death bed and may never sing again – that’s not it at all. It’s the reality that the very gift I’ve been given to minister with is the very thing being effected; and I have to remember one thing: the Lord gave that gift, so the Lord will guide it where He wants it to go :).

OK – so what about you? What’s your struggle? Where are you being led that you may not want to go? Let the struggle become the road to resting in His grace. Lay it before Him. Remember Whose you are. He sees and knows right where you are. Let His grace be all you need… and just see what happens –  BBP

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